When you can start golfing full time might soon hinge on the earnings of OpenAI, local carwashes, and other businesses bankrolled by private credit and private equity funds. Yesterday, the Labor Department proposed a rule that’d make it easier for employer-sponsored retirement accounts to invest in alternative assets alongside stocks and bonds.

The rule is a response to President Trump’s August executive order aimed at democratizing access to private markets by reducing the legal risks associated with their inclusion in 401(k)s. Currently, these assets are available only to pro investors and large pension funds.

The $12 trillion in Americans’ 401(k)s could turbocharge growth in private markets—but critics worry the change comes as the asset class is in turmoil.

Private for the people?

The proposed rule—which has not yet been finalized—would shield employers from getting dragged to court by retirees unhappy their cash was plugged into alternative investments. Previously, a slew of lawsuits pushed 401(k) managers to stick to stock and bond funds with low fees and options to cash out quickly.

While reducing the litigation threat, the rule would still require employers to consider the funds’ performance, fees, liquidity, valuation, and complexity. Proponents of the change say that it would help workers diversify their portfolios—including through investments in innovative companies that increasingly choose to stay private.

But some experts caution that private assets aren’t a great fit for workers’ piggy banks:

• They note that private markets are less liquid than stocks and bonds, while delivering lower returns in recent years.
• Wealth Manager Josh Brown told CNBC he thinks “there’s no way” 401(k) managers can negotiate the low fees enjoyed by large investors buying into private markets.

Plus, private credit is currently floundering…as investors rush to yank their cash from these funds amid fears that AI is undermining the software companies they’ve lent to. Several funds have limited cashouts in recent weeks, adding to the perception that there is reason for concern.—SK

​​ Trump threatens Iran’s energy infrastructure unless deal is reached “shortly.” President Trump said in a Truth Social post yesterday that unless the Strait of Hormuz is immediately reopened, the US would respond by “completely obliterating” all of Iran’s electricity plants, oil wells, and the oil hub Kharg Island, as well as possibly water desalination plants. Following Trump’s remarks, West Texas Intermediate futures, which represent US oil prices, settled above $100 for the first time since the war began. The price, $102.88 a barrel, marked the highest it had settled at since July 2022, though it fell in evening after the WSJ reported that Trump told aides he was willing to end the war without reopening the strait.

Powell doesn’t expect rate hikes will be needed because of oil shock. Speaking to students at Harvard University yesterday, Fed Chair Jerome Powell said that although energy prices are rising due to the war in Iran, it probably won’t force the central bank to hike interest rates to curb inflation. He noted that such price shocks are usually short-lived and that the Fed’s tactics typically won’t take effect until they’re already over, so changing rates in response to them would only make sense if the price spikes cause the public to start expecting higher prices over time. Financial markets seemed reassured by the remarks and traders stopped pricing in a significant chance of a rate increase this year, per CNBC.

Reclusive billionaire sells food supply business to Sysco for $29 billion. Sysco, the name you probably know from school or hospital cafeterias, is acquiring Jetro Restaurant Depot, a restaurant supply business that its 94-year-old founder Nathan “Natie” Kirsh grew from a single Brooklyn warehouse into a 166-store powerhouse in 35 states. Jetro’s model cuts out delivery costs, making its supplies more affordable for smaller restaurants. The combined company will be one of the largest food supply businesses in the US.—AR

Air Canada announced yesterday that CEO Michael Rousseau will be departing before the end of the third quarter. The decision comes one week after Rousseau offered condolences almost entirely in English following a crash at LaGuardia Airport that killed two Air Canada pilots.

To translate that…Despite Canada officially being a bilingual nation (French and English), and the airline being based in French-speaking Quebec, Rousseau doesn’t speak French. His video message after the incident began with a “bonjour,” ended with a “merci,” and was subtitled in French—but he otherwise spoke in English. One of the pilots who died in the crash, Antoine Forest, was from Quebec and spoke French.

An Air Canada spokesperson said Rousseau stepping down is unrelated to the language fallout, but the announcement came amid intense backlash.

The blowback: The Office of the Commissioner of Official Languages of Canada said it received 1,800 complaints about Rousseau’s video. That doesn’t include the one from Prime Minister Mark Carney, who publicly said Rousseau showed a lack of compassion and judgment.

Language barrier: When Rousseau took the CEO job in 2021, the company said he was taking intensive French training—and that his language skills would be part of his annual evaluation.

Bottom line: Air Canada’s stock fell hard after the announcement and closed 2% down for the day.—DL

TikTok “It Girl” Alix Earle became a founder today with the launch of her own skincare brand, Reale Actives, and while we could all just be grateful that we’re not getting another influencer-backed energy drink, critics still have a major qualm with Earle’s products.

Selling point: On top of her conventional GRWM (“get ready with me”) content, Earle gained a following as a University of Miami student because of how openly she posted about her experience with cystic acne. Earle said she worked with a dermatologist to create Reale Actives, which she credits with finally clearing up her skin after spironolactone and three rounds of Accutane didn’t cut it.

Though that’s quite an alleged accolade, many internet users saw Earle’s Accutane and spironolactone usage as proof that her new products might not be solely responsible for getting rid of her acne. In response, she posted a video for her 8.3 million TikTok followers, chronicling her skin journey before and after Reale Actives. “If you believe me, you believe me. If you don't, whatever,” she said.

Looking ahead…Reale Actives is only sold on its own website—for now. (A bottle of her acne serum lists for $39.) The brand is backed by the same VC firm as Kim Kardashian’s Skims, which struck its first retail partnership five months after launching.—ML

Authorities say that thieves recently made off with three paintings worth a combined $10 million from an Italian museum in less time than it takes to prepare a serving of Easy Mac (although, microwaving pasta would also be considered a crime in Italy).

The night of March 22, thieves forced open a door of the Magnani Rocca Foundation, a private museum outside Parma, and snatched “Fish” by Auguste Renoir, “Still Life with Cherries” by Paul Cézanne, and “Odalisque on the Terrace” by Henri Matisse—all in less than three minutes. The museum said the robbery was the work of a “structured and organized” gang who would have likely taken even more art if an alarm had not gone off.—AR

Brew Mini: Today’s puzzle is called “Greetings,” and we bet you can finish it faster than your coworker can get to the point of why they stopped by to talk. Play the Mini here.

Colorful trivia

Happy National Crayon Day! What were the original eight colors in the first box of Crayola Crayons in 1903?