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Elle Griffin recently wrote in her Substack letter, The Elysian, "It didn't take me long to realize that while it might be beneficial to focus on oneself for a time, in excess it becomes straight-up narcissism. And the world doesn't need more self-interested people. It needs more helpful people."

We Should Get Together reader Andy shared it with me, saying, "Basically it's about how we focus too much on self-development instead of the good we can do in our communities. Just constantly working on yourself doesn't have an impact if you don't put that empathy and kindness into action." Couldn't agree more, Andy. 🫶🏾 That's why I periodically hassle y'all to go volunteer for something you believe in. ;)

In Elle's piece, she reflects on how choosing to be of service to others in her community — a form of social prescribing — did more to alleviate her anxiety and depression than going to therapy, meditating, yoga, and “working on herself.”

This reminds me of the memorable gems (below) from Mia Birdsong's beautiful 2020 book, How We Show Up, which I highly recommend if you're looking for ways to survive under the threat of authoritarianism. In it, she reminds us that “another world is not just possible, but is emerging all around us.”

That's a teeny summary. If you liked it, you'd love the entire book. 

And right now, today, ask yourself: How are you showing up for your community? Showing up for your community doesn't mean you have to be something different than who you are. Lean on your strengths. Last week Priya Parker shared a story about Megan, a therapist who is seeing her clients' lives wrecked by the current administration. She doesn't know how to stop that, so instead she offered a therapeutic gathering for other therapists like her who want to do a better job of supporting their clients during this frightening time for our country. She focused on helping other helpers like her.

My colleague and friend Smiley Poswolsky and I did a similar thing together back in Spring 2020, when we held a free Support Session for facilitators and speakers who saw all of their 2020 paid bookings evaporate overnight when the covid pandemic cancelled all in-person gatherings. Smiley and I aren't trained medical personnel so we couldn't make an impact in a healthcare setting, but we could offer support to people in our sector who were negatively affected by the outbreak.

When you can't be an agent of change, aim to be an agent of care, as Douglas Rushkoff phrases it, continuing, “I'm less confident in the impact my activism might have on policy than I am about the impact my care may have on other human beings, as well as how they might trickle up to the systems that need changing.” (Thx Rosie Spinks for bringing Douglas into my awareness.)

 

As an agent of care, you can help other helpers and/or you can help vulnerable people. What will run out of steam though, is only helping yourself. 

If you've held back from showing care—even in simple ways like inviting a few friends and neighbors to get together, because you're worried that they won't reciprocate, try to set aside that worry. Act like the friend you wish you had. As Derek Thompson says in the recent and chilling Atlantic article, The Anti-Social Century (gift link), “Our smallest actions create norms. Our norms create values. Our values drive behavior. And our behaviors cascade.”

So show up and show out. Take the things you believe in and weave them into actions that can be seen on the outside. Make your mission the outfit you wear as you walk through the world. Make your values so clear in what you do that no one ever needs to ask you what you stand for—they'll already know, because they see it day in and day out. 

If two people in your community were on a walk, talking about you and describing the kind of community member you are, what kinds of things would the birds overhear?  🚶🏽‍♀️ 🚶 💬  🐦

I promise, if you do this, you will feel more belonging. And the friends you're looking for are gonna start looking for you.

Warmly,

Your coach (or coach-to-be),

p.s. If you've been reading this newsletter and have never supported it, make today the day. I've given away almost 300 free newsletters over the last five years, without ever taking a dime from advertisers or sponsors. The only support I've gotten is from readers like you. Click here to say thanks at the level that's right for you

p.p.s. If you haven't signed up for Unplugging Together because you think it'll be too hard to stop addictively scrolling social media, then yes you should definitely sign up because that probably means you need it ;) Register here

p.p.p.s I wrote a full mamma mamma blog post about last week's Togetherness Thing! Complete with specific examples, invitation text, what to do if no one comes, and more. You can absolutely combine this with a form of community care. Read it, share it, live it

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